Chapter 82: Side Story 1: Gao Yuan & Luo Xiaomei

For a long time, Gao Yuan felt as though his life had ended before it had truly begun.

The illness came so suddenly that it gave him no time to prepare. After spending more than half a year in the hospital and undergoing two operations, the outcome was a doctor telling his parents in an utterly ordinary tone, “I’m afraid this child will never be able to stand again.”

When Gao Yuan heard those words, he was pretending to be asleep. His parents thought he had not heard, unaware that he was clenching his teeth so hard only to keep the tears from spilling from his eyes.

That year, Gao Yuan was only fifteen and in his final year of middle school.

Because of his illness, he missed the high school entrance examination. He could only watch as his former classmates moved on to high school while he remained in the hospital day after day.

Gao Yuan fell apart emotionally. He did not throw tantrums or lash out; he simply spent every day in tears.

Fortunately, he had two exceptionally loving parents. They did not blame each other and instead gave Gao Yuan all their love and encouragement, helping him survive those bleak, lightless years.

Gao Yuan took two years off from school, undergoing treatment and rehabilitation without pause. He visited major hospitals in Beijing and Shanghai and was also cheated out of money by all sorts of disreputable Putian-run private hospitals.

The aftereffects of his myelitis left both of his legs weak and limp. Fortunately, the lesion was relatively low on his spinal cord, so it did not affect the function of his hands, nor did he completely lose control of his bladder and bowels.

Unlike the complete spinal cord injuries caused by accidents, Gao Yuan still retained some sensation in his legs. At first, he truly could not stand and had to use a wheelchair to get around, let alone walk. But after three years of rehabilitation, his upper-body strength had increased considerably. Then, one day, he finally managed to stand with the support of two underarm crutches, without needing braces on his legs.

He was ecstatic. It was as though he had glimpsed the first light of dawn in the darkness.

It took a long time to progress from standing to walking, but Gao Yuan’s improvement was visible to the naked eye.

By then, he had grown into a young man of eighteen or nineteen, at the physical prime of his life. He practiced standing diligently and worked to strengthen the muscles in his lower limbs, never allowing himself to slack off. Finally, after his nineteenth birthday, a miracle occurred. Although the doctors had declared that he would never stand again, he could now use underarm crutches to walk slowly across level ground.

Gao Yuan was a tenacious person. His persistence with rehabilitation was one sign of that; his refusal to abandon his education was another.

When he first fell ill, his parents were only in their early forties. Many people advised them to have another child, since Gao Yuan’s illness might affect his ability to marry and have children in the future. But his parents refused.

Having another child in their forties would be too risky and place too much financial pressure on them, especially when Gao Yuan still needed care. After discussing it, the couple decided to leave things as they were and devote themselves to raising Gao Yuan well. Their son was still young, and the road ahead of him was long. No one had ever decreed that a person’s life was over simply because his legs did not work properly.

And so, with his parents’ encouragement, Gao Yuan returned to middle school at seventeen to continue his studies. A few months later, he passed the high school entrance examination and was admitted to a regular academic high school. Three years after that, at the age of twenty, he was accepted into the School of Public Administration at an undergraduate university in Qiantang, where he majored in sociology.

Gao Yuan set himself a goal early on: after graduation, he would apply for a civil service position specially reserved by the Disabled Persons’ Federation for applicants with disabilities. During his four years at university, he joined the Communist Party, actively participated in social activities and charitable work, joined a wheelchair club, and even took psychology as a minor. He filled his life with purpose and optimism.

Still, in the dead of night, Gao Yuan sometimes felt a trace of uncertainty about his future.

He had never been in a relationship. Dragging two disabled legs and a pair of crutches around, he found it difficult to feel confident in front of girls.

Gao Yuan had delicate, handsome features, and girls at university had expressed interest in him. But he could never tell whether their feelings came from sympathy or curiosity, so he never responded.

His father once asked him rather tactfully whether he was still capable of getting an erection. The question made Gao Yuan’s entire face turn red, and he refused to answer.

His mother had also hinted more than once that he could date, but that he should not become involved with an able-bodied girl. Such a relationship would most likely end without result. The girl’s family would never approve, and in the end, Gao Yuan would inevitably be the one who was hurt.

When parents had a disabled child, they could not help thinking about every possibility. Naturally, Gao Yuan’s parents hoped that he could marry. Whether he had children did not matter. They merely wanted him to have someone with whom he could support and accompany through life.

Their thinking was practical—so practical that it was almost cruel. Ideally, they hoped the woman would have a mild disability. If she were able-bodied, they feared she might eventually leave him. But if she were severely disabled… Gao Yuan was already considered severely disabled. If he married another severely disabled person, the family truly would not be able to cope.

Gao Yuan understood his parents’ thoughts, but he never stated his own position.

He genuinely lacked confidence when it came to love and marriage. All these years, he had devoted every thought to studying and rehabilitation. Even though he was entirely capable of taking care of himself, he had never fallen for any girl.

Sometimes he longed for romance. At other times, he felt that in his condition, being with anyone would only burden them. Perhaps spending his entire life alone would not be so bad.

Gao Yuan graduated from university at twenty-four and began preparing for the Disabled Persons’ Federation recruitment examination, putting everything else aside.

He understood his circumstances clearly. What he needed now was not a girlfriend but a stable job—one that would allow him to support himself and stop his parents from worrying.

To improve his chances of obtaining a government post, Gao Yuan enrolled in a weeklong introductory sign language course. Classes were held every afternoon from two to four at the Qiantang Municipal School for the Blind and Deaf.

The first day Gao Yuan went to the school, the sun was blazing. The school was on summer vacation, and there was not a single person in sight.

He arrived very early, before one o’clock. Instead of using his wheelchair, Gao Yuan got out of the taxi and entered the school alone with the support of two underarm crutches.

His arms were powerful, so covering that distance was not especially difficult for him. Although his legs had little strength, they could at least move. As for the way passersby looked at him, that meant nothing. He had grown accustomed to it long ago.

Gao Yuan reached the bottom of the teaching building and looked up at the staircase.

The training room was on the third floor. He had already asked around and knew that the building had no elevator. His mother had originally wanted to accompany him, but Gao Yuan refused. He would have classes every day during the course, and once he started working, he would also have to go out on his own. How could he allow a few flights of stairs to defeat him?

Gao Yuan encouraged himself, planted both crutches on the first step, and steadied them. Then he lifted his more responsive left leg onto the step before using his strength to haul his right leg up after it. That counted as one step climbed.

The sensation and muscle strength in his left leg were both better than in his right, so when he walked, his center of gravity inevitably shifted onto his left side. Over the years, this had caused a slight difference in the height of his shoulders. It was a mild form of scoliosis, difficult to notice unless one looked closely, though it became more obvious when he undressed to shower. This was another reason he did not date.

Gao Yuan had a calm and steady personality. He was not talkative, but he was practical and dependable. When interacting with his able-bodied classmates and friends, he was reasonably relaxed. He did not avoid discussing his disability and would even tell them about the course of his illness.

Deep down, however, he knew that he was different from everyone else. He buried his feelings of inferiority very deeply and did not allow others to see them easily.

The weather was scorching, and there was no air-conditioning in the building’s common areas. By the time Gao Yuan climbed from the first floor to the second, he was already drenched in sweat.

The teaching building seemed completely empty. The only sound was the tapping of his crutches against the floor. Just as Gao Yuan stood on the second-floor landing to catch his breath before continuing his struggle toward the third floor, someone appeared in his field of vision.

She was a very young woman with short hair that reached her ears. She wore a pale pink dress and had a slender figure and a lovely, refined face. When she entered Gao Yuan’s line of sight, she was only seven or eight meters away.

Gao Yuan could only move slowly. Even when he noticed that the young woman had stopped and was staring at him with wide eyes, he had no way to escape. He could not hide the crutches beneath his arms, and his two legs were even less cooperative. He could only lower his head and avoid looking at her. Once again, he planted his crutches on the next step and laboriously lifted his left leg.

To his surprise, the young woman did not leave. She walked over to him and followed him up two steps.

Gao Yuan felt unbearably awkward. He did not need this kind of companionship. He could climb the stairs on his own and would not fall.

After another two steps, the young woman was still beside him. She neither spoke nor tried to support him. She simply remained half a meter away, tilting her head as she studied him. Gao Yuan could no longer bear it. Turning to her, he said, “Thank you, but I can manage on my own. You should go take care of whatever you need to do.”

The young woman blinked her large eyes, then broke into a smile. She pointed at herself, pointed at her ears, and waved her hand. Gao Yuan stared at her in surprise. This beautiful young woman was deaf?

Assuming she had not understood what he had said, Gao Yuan decided there was no point speaking again. He lowered his head and continued climbing the stairs, concentrating on supporting himself with his crutches.

The young woman patiently remained by his side the entire time. When Gao Yuan finally reached the third floor, he breathed a sigh of relief and looked down the long corridor. After thinking for a moment, he took out his phone, steadied himself on his crutches, and typed a message for her to read:

【Excuse me, where is the restroom?】

After reading it, she smiled and gestured for him to follow. Gao Yuan could only accompany her farther down the corridor.

Once they left the stairs and began walking together on level ground, Gao Yuan noticed that the young woman was quite tall. He could not help straightening his back, wanting to stand a little more upright and appear taller.

He had fallen ill during the adolescent growth spurt, and the disease had affected his height. Gao Yuan had never grown as tall as his father and was only 175 centimeters. When he walked, he appeared even shorter and was not much taller than the young woman.

She led Gao Yuan to the entrance of the men’s restroom. Gao Yuan nodded to her. “Thank you.”

He entered the restroom, planning to go straight to the classroom afterward and stay there without coming out again.

The weather was extremely hot, and Gao Yuan had climbed several flights of stairs, leaving his mouth parched. But he did not dare drink any water. Going to the restroom was too troublesome. He could manage while no one was around, but once more people arrived, others would inevitably see him. That feeling was deeply unpleasant.

When Gao Yuan finished and left the restroom, he was surprised to find the young woman still waiting outside. When she saw him, she held up her phone:

【Hello. You can speak to me. I can read lips. I’m a Chinese-language teacher here. My surname is Luo.】

Gao Yuan was speechless.

His lips were terribly dry, and for some reason, his heart had also begun beating rapidly.

He said to her, “I… came here for the sign language course. My surname is Gao.”

The young woman studied his face carefully, then nodded. Smiling, she beckoned to him and pointed in a certain direction down the corridor. Gao Yuan understood that she intended to take him to the classroom.

Gao Yuan took a seat beside the wall and leaned his two crutches against it.

He touched his legs. The sensation of pressure and touch in his left leg was obvious, but his right leg was different. When he placed his hand on it, he could barely feel the contact.

It was still early, and no one else was in the classroom. The young woman did not leave. She turned on the air-conditioner, picked up a broom and swept the floor, then wrung out a cloth to wipe the blackboard, desks, and chairs.

As the classroom gradually became cooler, Gao Yuan sat quietly in his chair. He did not play with his phone, merely watching the young woman clean with brisk efficiency.

By the time she had finished, the other students had begun arriving one after another. The young woman dusted off her hands, put all the cleaning supplies away, waved to Gao Yuan, smiled, and left the classroom.

Gao Yuan watched her disappear through the doorway and unexpectedly felt a sense of loss. He thought regretfully that he had not even asked for her contact information.

The sign language class was later taught by a hearing middle-aged woman. Gao Yuan studied attentively and did not leave the classroom once.

He thought he would never see the young woman again. To his surprise, she slipped into the classroom during the break and quietly placed a bottle of ice-cold green tea on Gao Yuan’s desk.

Gao Yuan stared up at her in a daze. Before he could thank her, she smiled and ran away.

That night, Gao Yuan lay in bed with the young woman’s image filling his mind. He thought about her playful short hair, her gentle eyes, and her sweet smile. His eyes remained open until midnight, and he could not fall asleep.

The next day, Gao Yuan once again arrived at the School for the Blind and Deaf very early, but he did not encounter her.

He did not see her on the third day or the fourth day either.

It was not until the fifth day that Gao Yuan finally saw her while climbing the stairs.

Instead of a dress, she was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, which made her look even younger and more adorable. Gao Yuan spotted her from a distance and waved. The young woman saw him too and approached with a cheerful smile.

Holding both crutches under his arms, Gao Yuan lifted his hands and used the sign language he had learned over the past few days:

【Hello. My name is Gao Yuan. What is your name? Can we add each other on WeChat?】

The young woman tilted her head.

“?”

Gao Yuan had already taken out his phone and looked at her expectantly.

She took out her own phone and typed:

【My name is Luo Xiaomei. I’m sorry, but I’d rather not add you on WeChat.】

Gao Yuan was speechless.

For the first time in his life, he had taken the initiative to ask a girl for her WeChat—and been rejected.

On the final day of the course, Luo Xiaomei entered the classroom during the break and exchanged a few words in sign language with the female instructor. Gao Yuan sat in the corner watching her. When Luo Xiaomei finished speaking and left, she glanced toward him as well, still smiling.

Gao Yuan’s heart pounded wildly. He immediately lowered his head and no longer dared to look at her.

Afterward, he left the School for the Blind and Deaf, returned home to continue preparing for the examination, and lost contact with Luo Xiaomei.

Several months later, Gao Yuan made his first attempt at the civil service examination and failed.

He was deeply discouraged. He had worked so hard for so long, yet he had still failed. He felt that he had terribly disappointed his parents. They comforted him and told him to try again next time. Considering Gao Yuan’s physical condition and field of study, finding work on the open job market was almost impossible. Securing a government post was his best path forward.

He had no idea how to relieve the frustration in his heart. When he opened WeChat, he could not find anyone to confide in.

Almost as if possessed, he opened the chat window of the sign language instructor. After thinking for a long time, he sent her a greeting. Once the teacher replied, Gao Yuan wrote:

【Teacher, may I ask whether you have the WeChat contact of the deaf young woman who often came to see you during class?】

And that was how Gao Yuan obtained Luo Xiaomei’s WeChat contact card. He immediately sent a friend request:

【Hello, Teacher Luo. I’m Gao Yuan. Do you still remember me?】

Gao Yuan and Luo Xiaomei began chatting online. It was online chatting, not an online romance.

He told Luo Xiaomei that he had failed the Disabled Persons’ Federation examination. She comforted him, saying that he should work harder next time and not lose heart.

Gao Yuan stayed at home every day and rarely went out except for hospital rehabilitation sessions. Nearly every evening, he chatted with Luo Xiaomei. He was always the one who found topics to discuss. At first, Luo Xiaomei was very reserved, and he could sense her wariness. Gradually, however, the two became familiar with each other, and the range of subjects they discussed grew wider.

They shared books they had recently read and talked about their impressions. They also discussed films, exchanged amusing stories from their lives, and occasionally played games together.

Gao Yuan’s examination preparation was monotonous and tedious, while Luo Xiaomei’s life was much richer as she went to and from work every day. She told Gao Yuan that some students in her class were very mischievous and always made her angry. It would be wonderful if they were all as obedient as her younger brother. Her brother was also deaf and had been very quiet since childhood, though he did poorly in school. She thought he was a little slow.

Gao Yuan laughed and said that her brother would be angry if he knew she was speaking badly of him.

Luo Xiaomei said he would not. Her brother was a very sweet young man, and she would introduce them someday if there was an opportunity.

They told each other about their families and childhoods. Luo Xiaomei explained that her deafness was hereditary. Her father and younger brother had both been born deaf, and the condition might also be passed on to the next generation. For that reason, she had not yet considered dating or marriage.

Gao Yuan felt that she was rejecting him indirectly. She could surely sense how he felt about her.

And he truly lacked the confidence to pursue Luo Xiaomei. She was an officially employed teacher who had already been working for a year, whereas he was still an unemployed young man with disabled legs. What right did he have to talk about dating a woman like her?

Gao Yuan thought he had to work even harder. Once he passed the civil service examination, he would have an income and could take Luo Xiaomei to the cinema or out for meals. He continued practicing sign language with instructional videos. When the time came, he could try communicating with her through sign language as well.

He wanted her to know that she was the first girl who had ever made his heart stir.

But Gao Yuan’s second attempt at the civil service examination also ended in failure.

On the day the results were released, he hid in his room and cried in secret.

He was already twenty-five and had been disabled by his illness for exactly ten years. He was no longer so young, yet he had never earned a single cent.

His family had nearly exhausted all their savings on his treatment in the early years and had only gradually recovered financially over the past few years. Yet he could not find a job or pass the examination for the position he wanted.

The blow was so severe that Gao Yuan began wondering what meaning there was in his continued existence. He had worked so hard for his degree, but because of those two powerless legs, no employer in the job market had any interest in him.

Luo Xiaomei sensed Gao Yuan’s despondency through WeChat and sent him several messages. Gao Yuan did not reply to any of them. After a period of silence, Luo Xiaomei wrote:

【Luo Xiaomei: Gao Yuan, come out and meet me. I’ll treat you to a meal. Don’t be unhappy anymore.】

In Gao Yuan’s understanding, this was his first date with Luo Xiaomei.

Luo Xiaomei did not see it that way, of course. Later, she said that at the time she had simply wanted to encourage Gao Yuan. She thought he was so pitiful, having failed twice, and that he was just like her younger brother—a little slow.

On the day they met, Gao Yuan put on an entirely new outfit and styled his hair. Gathering his spirits, he left home in his wheelchair.

He did not use his crutches because he did not know how far they would have to travel that day and was afraid he would not be able to endure it. And so, for the first time, Luo Xiaomei saw him in a wheelchair.

They ate hot pot at a shopping mall. Luo Xiaomei had said she would treat him, and she kept her word, firmly refusing to let Gao Yuan pay. Gao Yuan felt terribly embarrassed. After the meal, they went to a bookstore on the first floor of the mall, where he selected a set of books for Luo Xiaomei and insisted that she accept them.

Gao Yuan’s sign language was not yet very good. When they spoke face-to-face, Luo Xiaomei could understand almost everything he said by reading his lips. Most of her replies were typed on her phone. She used sign language only for very simple sentences, which Gao Yuan could understand with some effort.

He could feel the optimism ingrained in Luo Xiaomei’s nature. She was a gentle, positive deaf woman who did not blame fate or resent the world. She accepted her deafness calmly and encouraged Gao Yuan not to dwell too much on his physical disability. As long as he worked hard, everything would eventually improve.

From that day onward, Gao Yuan invited Luo Xiaomei out every two or three weeks. They ate together, watched films, and visited bookstores. Sometimes Gao Yuan paid, and sometimes Luo Xiaomei did.

Luo Xiaomei became the warmest ray of light in Gao Yuan’s tedious life of examination preparation. He studied, memorized material, and worked through practice questions with all his strength, telling himself that he absolutely had to pass.

His sign language also improved steadily. Eventually, he could express his thoughts to Luo Xiaomei in sign language and understand what she “said” in return.

When Gao Yuan made his third attempt at the civil service examination, he was nearly twenty-six. This time, he was finally accepted for an administrative officer position at a district branch of the Disabled Persons’ Federation. He ranked first in both the written examination and the interview.

On the day the results were released, Gao Yuan once again hid in his room and cried. This time, however, it was because he was overwhelmingly happy.

He thought that he finally had a job and could support himself. He would no longer be a burden to his parents.

At last, he had earned the right to say to Luo Xiaomei what he had always wanted to say.

Gao Yuan and Luo Xiaomei had known each other for two years. They had been out of contact for the first six months, chatted online for more than half a year after that, and then spent nearly a year going on occasional “dates.”

Gao Yuan’s feelings were obvious, but Luo Xiaomei deflected them every time. Gao Yuan understood that both of them had reservations—all kinds of reservations.

He had told his mother that he had fallen in love with a deaf woman. He liked her very, very much, but he could not understand her attitude. He did not know whether she minded his legs or whether she was concerned that her deafness might be hereditary. In any case, he had hinted at his feelings several times, and she had never responded.

His mother said, “A-Yuan, if you truly like her, you have to pursue her boldly. You don’t have to have children. Mom only hopes you can find someone who loves you as much as you love her.”

That night, the moon was full. Gao Yuan and Luo Xiaomei went for a walk in the park. He moved slowly with the support of his two crutches while Luo Xiaomei accompanied him.

Her short hair had grown longer and now fell softly over her shoulders. Her face remained as delicate and lovely as ever. Gao Yuan stole glances at her as they walked. Then one of his crutches suddenly tilted, and he stumbled.

Luo Xiaomei reacted quickly and caught his arm, preventing him from falling.

At that moment, Gao Yuan seized her hand.

Luo Xiaomei was startled. Realizing that his “fall” had been an act, she thought, Oh! Were all men this devious?

Gao Yuan’s palm was hot and lightly damp with sweat. Rough calluses covered it, worn there by years of using crutches. His eyes were dark and bright as he gazed deeply at Luo Xiaomei. His five fingers tightened around hers, and no matter how she struggled, he refused to let go.

In a hoarse voice, he said, “Xiaomei, I like you. Be my girlfriend.”

On Luo Xiaomei’s twenty-fifth birthday, Gao Yuan visited his future father-in-law’s home for the first time.

He climbed to the fourth floor on his crutches, moving very slowly and carefully, while Luo Xiaomei remained beside him to make sure he was safe.

At her home, Gao Yuan met her parents and younger brother.

Luo Xiaomei’s parents were both easy to get along with. As for the “slow” younger brother Luo Xiaomei had described… Gao Yuan had not expected him to be such a tall and handsome young man.

He was only in his early twenties, with pale skin and a very slender build. He sat quietly on a small bed in the living room, seemingly observing Gao Yuan in secret.

When Gao Yuan looked toward him, the young man immediately averted his eyes. His eyelashes fluttered rapidly, and he appeared extremely shy.

Sitting on a dining chair, Gao Yuan signed to him:

【Hello, my name is Gao Yuan. Are you Xiaomei’s younger brother, Luo Jingyu?】

The young man watched him for a moment, then raised his hands and replied in sign language:

【Yes. Hello, I’m Luo Jingyu. You can call me Xiaoyu.】

At first, Luo Mingsong and Yan Yajuan both felt that their daughter’s relationship with a hearing man was unreliable, especially when the man also had disabled legs. But as they gradually came to know Gao Yuan, they both grew fond of him. They found him sincere and dependable and accepted him as a member of their family.

Later, after dating for two years, Gao Yuan and Luo Xiaomei bought a home, married, and formed a small family of their own.

And later still…

It was four years after their wedding.

One day in mid-January, Gao Yuan sat in his wheelchair outside the delivery room. The parents from both families were beside him, along with his brother-in-law Luo Jingyu and Luo Jingyu’s girlfriend, Zhan Xi. Together, everyone waited expectantly for the birth of Gao Yuan and Luo Xiaomei’s baby.

After an unknown amount of time, a nurse emerged, pushing a small cart. She looked around and asked, “Which of you is a relative of Luo Xiaomei’s baby?”

Suppressing his excitement, Gao Yuan wheeled himself forward.

“I am. I’m Luo Xiaomei’s husband.”

“Congratulations. Both mother and son are safe. It’s a baby boy, six jin and five liang. He’s very healthy.” The nurse hesitated. “However… the baby will need further hearing tests. It’s just… well… you…”

Gao Yuan smiled.

“I understand. He didn’t pass the initial screening, did he? It’s all right. It really doesn’t matter. We already knew this might happen. It truly is all right.”

The nurse relaxed. “Yes. He’ll need another hearing test tomorrow. You can take him back to the ward for now. The mother will be brought out shortly.”

At last, Gao Yuan had the opportunity to look at the baby in the cart.

The baby was asleep. His hair was thick and black, his eyes were closed, and his tiny face was wrinkled. He looked so very small.

Gao Yuan reached out and touched his son’s little hand. The baby’s fingers moved slightly.

Gao Yuan’s eyes grew moist. In an extremely soft voice, he said, “Baby, don’t be afraid. Mom and Dad will stay beside you as you grow up.”

Luo Jingyu had been standing nearby, watching the scene. His gaze rested on the baby in the cart, and an unreadable emotion appeared in his eyes.

The person beside him took his hand.

He turned toward her. Zhan Xi was smiling at him.

“The baby is so adorable,” she said.

Luo Jingyu nodded. When he turned his eyes back toward the baby, he let out an almost imperceptible sigh.

Extra One: Gao Yuan & Luo Xiaomei — End